The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/28/08
Wonderful word pictures in your story! The characters are a hoot-you captured the many personalities beautifully. The only thing I'd suggest to improve this lively entry is to have another set of eyes proof-read for you to catch the little glitches that we writers sometimes miss with our own entries. This entry will shine with a bit of polishing! You have an engaging, natural way of story telling that's very appealing to the reader!
Nice story-line. :)

Good story. The beginning could be smoothed out a bit to improve flow...great topic, great job.
03/03/08
Nice job with characters, and I enjoyed the storyline.
I love the characters in this story. You did a good job fleshing them out, especially Betty. Thank you for sharing this great story.
This was good. I thought Earl was shy, but it was neat to show this story in the way that you did. I too found the characters well portrayed.
I enjoyed this story, and how the gossips were confronted with the errors of their presumptions.
I believe what would smooth out the beginning of this story would be to omit the first paragraph. A reader is captured by being immediately introduced to a character, especially one in a new situation such as a move. This type of showing, rather than telling, is what grabs the reader and maintains a fast pace for the story.
Great story. I like Earl, he'd be a good neighbour to have. Loved the characterizations of the other tenants. Well done.
03/06/08
Oh I had to giggle here! I loved the characters. so colorful and fun, Betty was hilarious too! I liked the twist at the end with the throat surgery, that was good. Nice job! ^_^