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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Don't Cut off Your Nose to Spite Your Face" (without using the actual phrase or litera (02/14/08)

TITLE: A Time To Humble Yourself
By Kimberly Harris
02/21/08


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Jack woke from his afternoon nap after watching a movie about Jesus' life. He marveled
at the idea of someone that perfect. He couldn't believe someone could be pressured and
insulted and stay humble. Jack only knew that he was not as perfect as Jesus.

Jack yarned and stretched out his slumber and headed for the kitchen. He was halfway
in the kitchen, when he realized he hadn't bought groceries for the week. He immediately
wrote out his list including all the five food groups and added his favorite salty and sweet
foods.

As Jack was leaving out the door a rolled up newspaper clobbered him in the head.

"Sorry sir," hollered the paper boy.

"That idiot," mumbled Jack. "When I was young I didn't hit people with news papers.
My throw was perfect every time."

As Jack drove in the parking lot of his favorite store, someone beat him out of a parking
space. Jack felt his face go flush and his heart pound faster than before. He was nervous
and could not control himself. He got out of his car and yelled at the young couple which took
his park.

"Take it easy old man," protested the young man.

When Jack was composed he took a shopping cart and headed for the produce department.
He had a knack for picking out fresh fruits and vegetables. He pick out melons, berries, bananas,
grapes, and numerous vegetables.

He shopped for his breads and cereal, his milk, meats, frozen foods, and canned goodies.
Last on the list were his sweet and salty foods. Jack loaded up on cakes, cookies,chips, nuts and
popcorn.

As Jack was heading to the checkout he passed the candy aisle, and noticed Hershey Kisses were
on sale for $1.99. He grabbed a bag of them wholeheartedly and headed for the check out counter.

Jack was next in line, and was proud of his collection. He had figured up his bill mentally
to be $99.38

"Hi, I'm your checker, Bill," announced the checker.

Bill quickly scanned all the items Jack had acquired and rung a grand total of $100.46.

"I demand an itemization of that bill," snorted Jack.

Bill produced the bill in which everything rung the way Jack had expected, except the
Hershey Kisses. The candy had rung up a dollar more than the shelf price.

"The shelf price was a dollar cheaper for this candy," explained Jack.

"I'm not holding up my line to check a dollar difference. You either take the price or leave
it," griped Bill.

"I'll leave it all," shouted Jack.

The buggy was left at the register with all the groceries sacked. Looking back, Jack marched
out of the store in rage. He had hunger pains and a low grumbling sound coming from his
stomach.

"I'm the one starving here," mumbled Jack. "How can I be this stupid"

Jack humbled himself and went back and pleaded to get his groceries. He waited behind
five customers. He paid the bill including the overpriced candy and came out of the store smiling
pushing a buggy and eating Hershey Kisses.


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This article has been read 387 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marlene Austin02/21/08
You did such a good job building Jack's character as having major anger issues, that the ending seemed to come a little too easily. I thought it would take more than his rumbling stomach to "humble" him.?.? :)
Sheri Gordon02/21/08
You did a nice job with developing Jack's character. Your dialogue writing is good.

There are a few typos and editting issues that would probably be caught with another person proofing.

Good illustration of the topic.
Jan Ackerson 02/21/08
Good development of Jack's character.

I have a hard time believing that a cashier would act that way, so the last part of this doesn't really ring true for me. A bit of tweaking, maybe?

This put me in the mood for Hershey's kisses...
Jacquelyn Horne02/22/08
Jack "woke up" faster than most people do when they get in a rage. Maybe the empty stomach had something to do with it. Good example.
Laury Hubrich 02/23/08
Poor Jack. He's having a bad day. I like your story. It would help if you got someone to proofread it for you. Keep on writing!
Laury
Seema Bagai 02/24/08
A good story here. Keep writing.
Helen Harris02/24/08

Anger can be a major issus that led to all kinds of troubles and some end up
in anger managerment classes or worst.

Jack had a challenging afternoon:


Jack wakes from a nap, hungry, seem to love foods,
and seem to have nothing to eat.

He gets clobbered in the head with a rolled up newspaper,
beat out of a parking space at his favorite store,
called an old man by a young man, and was overchanged a dollar
more for an item.

Jack's anger was well painted and kept me to the end.

The end of the story brought me to laughter, What?

Maybe after watching a movie about Jesus' life and sleeping on it,
hungry Jack decided to learn of Jesus and humbled himself just a
'little' to go back and get his groceries he seem to spent so much time
choosing.

"How can I be this stupid"

It just maybe as Jack said, a bit stupid to leave your food,
all the time spent there and go away hungry?


Matt 11:29
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:

and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
KJV

Like to read More from you. : )

I too, Learn from all your Comments. Thank you.


Enjoy and Keep in the Writing Lane.
God bless, Helen

Helen Harris02/24/08
Sorry, I needed someone to proofread me before I posted.

Meant to write overcharged, not overchanged.
(I don't think overchanged is a word?)

I wrote too much in a hurry and didn't proofread.

Helen
Lynn Jacky02/29/08
Hi Kimberly - decided to read another story. Great job. I can relate I have had some snarly cashiers.
I like the part about measuring up to Jesus - of course we hardly ever do - you explain that well. Thank you. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.I liked the ending too.