The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/21/08
A cute children's tale.

I'm not sure I understood why nearly every character had both a name and a nickname--perhaps too many words were spent on that. Think about using more of your alloted words on character and plot development.

This had a lot of whimsy--very colorful.
Well written and interesting. Somewhat "dark" for a children's story. You must like the REAL Grimms Fairy Tales more than the Walt Disney ones :)
02/22/08
This definitely kept me interested. Just curious -did the names have meaning?
02/24/08
I really like your choice of names. Very creative. This is a very dark tale with a disturbed little girl. Keep on writing and improving your craft!
Laury
02/24/08
RibbonPink is a cute name and I like birds too.

"RibbonPink absolutely adored birds, she kept thousands in her room, among
which were her all time favorites. These favorites were the woodpecker, blue
jay, seagull, pelican, and the parrot. But she really loved her male bald
eagle the best. His name was Glow Ghat Glinds."

"Glow" gave creative playful expressions, went to a very dark story, but it
have a lots of colorful birds!
"RibbonPink screamed like a sizzling barbequed hotdog"

RibbonPink loses a little adoration for her bird here in tossing him?
“Bird Doctor! Bird Doctor! Glow has a terrible wound and is going to die!”
she wailed, tossing the animal to the bird man.

Enjoy your gift and Keep in the Writing Lane. : )
God bless, Helen
I too, Learn from all your Comments. Thank you.
Very interesting story. I didn't understand why the little girl refused to believe her bird was alive even though she could clearly see that he was.

The names you gave the characters were clever and funny. Thanks for sharing.
Different. Seems like a child's fantasy story. With a little dialogue this would really be a great scifi.
03/01/08
"Sir Dragon Breath"?, "RibbonPink"?, ??????????? What were u on when u were writing this???????? lol ^-^