Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Don't Cut off Your Nose to Spite Your Face" (without using the actual phrase or litera (02/14/08)
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TITLE: Brink | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Franks
02/20/08 -
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Where is she, she wondered? Where is she, thought she?
I’m getting very worried, oh where can she be?
I’ve looked everywhere, she’s not to be found…
I thought that always she’d be around.
I can’t tell my family, what would they think?
That I was next to insanity’s brink…
To think that I lost her after all of this time…
There is no reason, no excuses, no rhyme.
One day I awoke and she was just gone…
A memory that wouldn’t leave me alone.
I cried for her, sighed for her, begged her to appear,
I looked for her, searched for her, cried many a tear.
When she was with me, happiness I knew,
We were happy, and we knew what to do.
Sing and jump rope, eat ice cream cones,
Play until we were tired to our bones.
Into the forest we often went,
We’d climb a tree, build a tent.
And when the dark began to fall,
We’d go home and recount it all.
We’d happily remember our wonderful day,
And love our life, our wonderful way.
But as I’ve grown older, weary I am,
I looked and she is no longer around.
What a sad heritage to sit and to ponder,
What a sad heritage to have to wonder…
Why, oh why, did I let her go?
Why did I lose the love of my soul?
Why did I let her get out of my sight…
By working and grinding the days of my life.
She was my better part, my youthful, my free,
She was my inner child, my meant to be.
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I'd suggest that you work on having a more consistent meter...a pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables, to establish a rhythm as your reader travels through your poem.
Thanks for this thought-provoker.
Laury
I would have liked to see more whitespace to make this easier to read, but I'm no poem expert, so always take my advice with a grain of salt. :)
Thanks for sharing!