The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/21/08
Very good message--especially about unforgiveness being a prison. So true!

Be careful to use the right spelling of "too" (2nd line). And I'd suggest a second look at meter; this one's just a little bit jumpy.

I like your rhyming of "most" and "engrossed"--very good and effective rhyme.
The "secret" has been told! Thanks. :)
02/21/08
This poem has a very nice message! It would help if you asked someone to proof for you. Keep on writing!
Laury
I really liked this poem. The rhythm did seem to get off just a tad in spots, but I really liked the message and the overall feel of it. Thanks for sharing!