Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Don't Cut off Your Nose to Spite Your Face" (without using the actual phrase or litera (02/14/08)

TITLE: Lego Brat
By Amy Kuncaitis
02/18/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Happy Birthday tooooo youuuuu,” Thomas’s mom sang cheerfully as she laid a large, beautifully wrapped gift in his lap. “This is from Dad and me; I know you’ll love it!”

Thomas was already ripping the paper hoping it was what he suspected. “The final set! Now I can finish my castle! Thank you!” Thomas took the box across the living room, over to his custom made Lego table. He knelt down by his castle that was just waiting for the final pieces to be complete. He tore open the box and began to sift through his new additions that would enable him to finally finish his castle.

“Can I help?” Thomas’s little brother knelt down next to the Lego table, admiring the castle.

“No! Don’t touch anything Joey!” Thomas shoved his little brother back from the table. “You have to be at least eight years old, like me to even touch anything on this table; you have two years before you can play with any of it!” Thomas continued to work intensely.

“You just turned eight today Thomas,” Joey sneered

“So? My table, my rules, got it?” Thomas turned briefly to his brother then, quickly back to his table to complete his project.

“Look mom, just this one last piece and it is done!” Thomas steadied his forearm with his free hand to carefully place the final Lego in the center of the drawbridge that completed his elaborate castle. He had successfully used every last Lego in his thousand piece collection to construct, what he considered, the perfect castle.

“Wow, Thomas that is really something.” Thomas’s mother bent over the wooded Lego table, and peered into the tiny windows of the detailed castle.

“Let me see,” Joey ran over to see the finished project.

“No!” Thomas hovered over the table. “You are too little. Stay back; I don’t want anything to break.”
Joey rolled his eyes and retreated back to the sofa.

The next day, after school, Thomas ran in the house. He kicked his shoes off, dropped his backpack in the entryway and headed directly to his Lego castle. When he turned the corner to the living room, he saw Joey kneeling by his castle, Thomas was instantly irate.

“What are you doing? Who told you it was ok to touch my table, my Legos, my castle? Get away from there right now!”

“I am not hurting anything; I’m just looking, stop being such a ‘Lego brat’.”

Anger brewed inside of Thomas until he could not contain it anymore. “I SAID GET AWAY FROM MY CASTLE!” Raising his arm in the air, Thomas impulsively ran straight for his brother and took a good, hard swing. Joey ducked just under Thomas’s swing, and in an instant, his hand swung right past Joey and right into his precious Lego castle, destroying the entire thing.

Thomas sat on the floor, holding his sore hand, surveying the damage he had inflicted on his castle. As he looked over at his little brother, Thomas was convicted of his actions.

“Wow, I guess I was a real ‘Lego brat’, how’d that work out for me?” Thomas and Joey both grinned as they began to rebuild the castle together.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 369 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 02/21/08
Very authentic feeling--I'll bet you've got experience with young boys!

The semicolons in the dialogue seemed out of place to me. Do people really talk that way? I dunno...I'll have to think about that one.

This is creative, and perfect for the topic. Enjoyed it a great deal.
Yvonne Blake 02/21/08
I love your title! With boys of my own, I could see everything. Good use of dialogue. It's not easy to write as a child would talk.
Good writing.
Holly Westefeld02/21/08
This is a great take on the topic, and it's nice to read one that does not involve danger to life and limb.
I imagine that the only reason this seemed a little predictable to me, is that I have 19 and 17-year-old sons. :-)
Marlene Austin02/22/08
Good job. :)
Seema Bagai 02/23/08
A good story for children. Keep writing.
Joshua Janoski02/24/08
I think that the author has had some experience with children, because it stood out in the story. I was reminded of the times that I used to fight with my younger sister over silly stuff like that.

I liked the story. It was definitely on topic. Thank you for sharing. :)
Jacquelyn Horne02/25/08
This is a good example. The ending seemed a little rushed, however. Maybe a little more pout before the reconciliation. But this is very good writing.
LauraLee Shaw02/26/08
Good job writing this. YOu obviously spent a lot of time making sure it read and flowed smoothly and that all of your spelling and grammar was in check. You also managed to find something for the topic that many people can relate to. Way to go!
Laury Hubrich 02/26/08
Love this story! It was me that couldn't even walk by the lego creations when me kids were little. All I had to do was look at them and they would disinegrate! Great job!
Laury
Karen Wilber 02/26/08
Oh, I fear this'll be my boys in a few years. I could relate to the little brother just wanting a look, while big brother wanted to protect his castle. Good story for the topic. I enjoyed this.
Debbie Wistrom02/26/08
Perfect picture of kids, especially brothers. Right on topic, keep on writing.