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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Don't Cut off Your Nose to Spite Your Face" (without using the actual phrase or litera (02/14/08)

TITLE: “Sick Of It All”
By Domingo Jr. Capias


With a foaming mouth, Mr. Ryan Field dropped on the floor. Pieces of papers went flying in the air. The strewn pieces of papers were everywhere in the packed courtroom. Mr. Field managed to enter the bar to hand those papers over to Judge Bennett who just sat behind the bench and was ready to hear the reading of the conviction of a man accused of raping a 25-year-old widow.

People in the jury box and in the galley were stunned by this dramatic moment.

While others in the courtroom tried to race to Mr. Field’s rescue, Jason, the court reporter, was in his right mind to whisk the scattered papers.

“Somebody call the ambulance!” cried one elderly woman.

“Is he still alive?” a curious youth uttered as he effortlessly popped his head into the scene.

911 paramedics rushed into the scene; checked Mr. Field’s pulse; put him on a stretcher; and whisked him into the waiting ambulance parked in front of the Town Hall.

“Jason, what’s on those papers?” asked Judge Bennett.

“One seems to be a suicide note and the rest is a report accusing the Town’s chief of police, Inspector Blair, sir.” Answered Jason. “Apparently, Mr. Field was fed up with Mr. Blair’s indifference and constant harassment to Mr. Field and his family over a disputed property.”

“And what does the other paper say?” Judge Bennett asked.

“Well, it’s a suicide note, sir and it reads: ‘To my family, please forgive me for taking this extreme step. I am fed up and felt no one could help me.’”

Minutes later, a young attorney approached the bench and told Judge Bennett, “Your honor, I just came to know from the hospital that Mr. Field is out of danger and I am willing to take his case Pro Bono.”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 02/21/08
Exactly right for this week's topic.

I'd really have liked to know more, though, and you had plenty of words. Who's the youth who popped his head in? What's more of this man's back story? How was this all able to happen in the middle of a trial? And the ending seemed a bit abrupt and too tidy.

I'd encourage you to expand your stories, use the full 750 words, and show your readers more plot development. You're definitely on the right track--keep writing!
Seema Bagai 02/22/08
Good descriptions in this piece. However, I felt something was missing. The last third seemed confusing and abrupt. Keep writing. This story has potential.
Yvonne Blake 02/22/08
So sad... why would anyone do that?
I would have enjoyed a little more description of the characters and setting.
You've got an interesting story that could be expanded.
Keep writing.
Lynn Jacky02/25/08
Hi - I like your story plot, needs a bit more developing. Good work, keep writing.
Patrick Whalen02/25/08
Good story premise. It could use a little more finessing and it looks like you had room to spare in regard to the word count. It is difficult to write a short-story under the word count but it is often rewarding to the reader to expand it as much as possible.
Marlene Austin02/25/08
Interesting approach to this topic. :)