The Official Writing Challenge
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02/21/08
wow wow wow wow! powerful gripping story. That's the kind of God we serve - loving, caring, and always giving us hope and forgiveness. thx. ~Crystal~
02/21/08
Good story, and you did a nice job with showing your narrator's emotions.

Watch out for run-on sentences and comma faults (some comma splices, and also some missing commas).

This story has a lot of potential.
02/21/08
Wow! What emotions!
I liked the way you had the "argument" going back and forth.
I'm glad it came out good in the end!
Great writing. Really captures the emotion. One point I wondered about - if the MC is blind, why write,"She looked up at the shattered glass." - ? She might have heard the tinkling glass shards as they continued to fall or something, do you think? Would that convey the same meaning here? Just a thought. :) Very nice piece.
02/22/08
This piece has a lot of potential. There are some awkward phrases and inconsistent details that can be fixed. Keep writing.
I'm no expert, so that I hesitate to critique anyone else's work.

I loved the way you described the MC's emotions. At a time like you describe they would be all mixed up.

Yes there are details that are inconsistent but with tme you could iron them out.

Don't leave this one go over it again with the critiques in mind, It has great potential.
I too wondered how she could see the shattered glass if she was blind. However, that is an easy error to fix. The overall story is powerful, and I think it would make a great story for teens with just a tiny bit of revising. Thank you for sharing!
02/23/08
Oh this is good! A few details to tighten up--see all the comments above--and this will be really fantatic!
Moving article. I was a little confused about her looking at the mirror, since she was blind. But this is a very heart-rendering account of a life.
Good story! I was close to yelling out loud, "NO! God DOES love you!"

It was emotional to read but I enjoyed the ending.
02/27/08
You did a wonderful job! I'm so glad you gave the reader hope at the end. You got into the motivations of your character so well. Good job! Keep writing!