The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
Nice practical take on the topic... well done.
I like the analogy in this entry and excellent advise. Good job on topic.
02/16/08
(smile) Haven't we all done this sometime? It would help the reader if you made paragraph breaks between different speakers and different thoughts.
I like the ending.
Keep writing.
Good story, but paragraphing would definitely help the reader. :)
02/20/08
I love the simplicity of the story. I didn't enter this contest because I couldn't think of an actual, practical application for the subject!

A note to keep the story moving and keep the reader engaged: use the active verbs and try to avoid "to be" verbs (was...am...will be).

For example: instead of "it began to materialize" just use "it materialized". You switched to the active in the sentence about the tears running down his face and it helps pull the reader in.

Very nicely done (the paragraph thing comes with experience :) I did it too!!)
I wish all parents would stop and think before reacting like this parent did. We can all learn something from this story. Thanks for sharing!