Numbed in spirit, soul and body, I pressed my face against the cement floor while The Lord's Prayer played softly in the background.
O Father! Daddy! Papa God!
Hallowed be Thy Name…
I know You are holy, but how can You be just? If you are just, why didn't you stop my husband from leaving? As a true Proverbs 31 wife I did all the right things. You say "the king's heart is in the hand of the LORD and [You] direct it wherever [You please]." (Proverbs 21:1) Why didn't you direct my husband's heart back to the wife he vowed to love forever?
Thy kingdom come…
Yes, please come and rescue me from this mess. End the torture now. This earth holds no pleasure for me anymore.
Thy will be done….
Yes, do Your will! Surely it is Your will for my husband to return. Surely it is Your will for us to reconcile. Do Your will and bring him back.
It's real painful down here. I can't think about spiritual stuff when my heart is breaking. How can I find heavenly peace in an earthly hell?
As it is in heaven…
Take me now. I want to die. I want out of this mess. I want to be in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread…
How am I going to make ends meet without his income? How can I survive alone?
And forgive us our debts…
Did I sin, God? Is it my fault he left?
As we forgive our debtors…
What? I have to forgive him? He cheated. He lied. He left. You expect me forgive him?
And lead us not into temptation…
I want to get even. How badly I want to hurt him as much as he has hurt me
But deliver us from evil…
"Vengeance is Mine", says the LORD. "I will repay".
For Thine is the kingdom…
O God, forgive my sin. Forgive these black thoughts. It's not about me. It's about You and Your purpose for my life.
And the power…
I know that You are strong enough to see me through this valley.
and the glory…
whatever happens, I bow my heart in humble adoration
from here on out, Lord
As the last Amen of the prayer ended, pure peace settled over my body as a billowy cloud, soaked into my soul and rested in my spirit.
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
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