The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Some very nice writing here, but paragraphing would have helped the reader. You had quite a bit more writing room, try building more empathy for your character by giving some scenes to develop the depth of the love this son has for his mother.
Very good descriptions in this story. As said above, break your writing down into paragraphs. Also, ask someone to proofread your entries before you submit. Errors take away from the point you are trying to make. Keep on writing!