The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/07/08
Well written! Good grammar, spelling, etc. To nit-pick: with a dialect like theirs, check for consistency (there was a slip into more proper language), but that was just once.

One of the better entries I've read this week.
02/07/08
Oh, wonderful story! I love this. Very, very good job. Keep on writing! You have talent!
Laury
Nicely done. You kept the punchline until right at the end. Use your gift... keep writing.
I see great writing talent here. I very much enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing!
This piece gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. I grew up in the South and knew many people who reminded me of the boy's father. Good use of dialect.
02/09/08
Your story is good but I don't think it's very on topic. (I think a lot of us had a problem with that this week! :D) You have good description in your story but your dialogue is a little hard to follow. It's hard to read and you would do better to hint at an accent with one or two words. Trying to phonetically render an accent in every word is very hard on your reader. There's a lot of good stuff here, however, and I would encourage you to keep writing!
Enjoyed your story and your descriptions very much. Great message, and I think that if Jessie is keeping the company of his father, you were on topic. Keep up the good words.