The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/07/08
I like the style, with a quick but poignant lesson at the end.

I might suggest a little more precision in the writing, cutting out some unnecessary words, to make it crisp and direct. However, it does still flow/read very well.
02/07/08
Whoa! I love Angela! Good writing. I really like this story. It was engaging and very real. I work in a high school -- I see these things everyday! Great job! Keep on writing and you'll improve more and more!
Laury
Very good take on the topic. I like Angela and her straightforwardness. The conversation between to two boys was very real. Well done.
This fits the topic well. I enjoyed the writing style, and Angela was very cool. :)
02/09/08
I liked this. You did well at showing us the inner workings of your MC without telling. The third to the last paragraph was a little awkward, but all in all a good piece. Keep up the good work!
02/11/08
I'm quite impressed by this piece. You developed your character well. One suggestion would be to watch the tags when a character is speaking. For the most part these are not necessary (although the one where Tom almost purred, I liked.) What is said usually indicates the tone and readers are good at keeping up with dialogue. You were right on topic and your great ending indicted the promise of some improvement in our friend Tom. Very nicely done.