The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/31/08
The story of the two brothers was good for the topic--but later, when the younger lad found the "fool's gold", you may have been too close to a literal interpretation of the proverb.

Why are men so competitive, I wonder? You captured that very well.
Nice detail throughout. :)
02/02/08
Very good story telling! I like the contrast between brothers. Keep on writing!
Laury
This was a fun story, especially after it picked up with the cousins.
Perhaps this could have started with a phone conversation extending the invitation for the camping trip, filling in the history through dialogue and/or thoughts as the story progresses.
I loved the last line!
02/15/08
This is a story many can relate to whether they want to admit it or not! Again, given the word limitations I think you've done a great job giving us a snapshot of the characters. Keep up the strong writing!