The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
Sweet story. Well-developed characters. Nice job. :)
02/01/08
I like this! Glad he could see through the glamor.

The rapid scene changes confused me a bit. I'd suggest that instead of the ~ symbol (easily missed), you try...

***

...on their own line, to signal to your reader that the scene has changed.

Nice writing style!
02/02/08
Very good contrasting the outward beauty and inward. Nice story. Keep up your writing!
Laury