The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/01/08
How sad!

Try to avoid using the 2nd person (you), as in your second paragraph. The tie-in to the topic might be a little weak here...

...but it's an excellent character sketch. Thanks for writing!
02/01/08
Very real descriptions and sentiments throughout this piece. :)
02/02/08
This is a sad account of growing old and sick. You did a nice job allowing your readers to feel for your main character. Keep on writing!
Laury