The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/01/08
I love the gentleness of this story.

There's a lot of "telling" here, and not as much "showing." As a writing exercise, consider doing a search on "showing, not telling" and re-working this piece.

It's a very strong story, and I'd love to see it polished up a bit. Your writing skills are very evident.
02/02/08
I agree with Jan. This is very well-written. It would help if you added dialogue. Make an interaction with your characters. Keep on writing. You have the gift!
Laury
02/02/08
Excellent portrayal of how life's crises often promote great changes. Nice job. :)