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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “All that Glitters is Not Gold” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/24/08)

TITLE: If only ....
By Millicent Njue
01/28/08


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The man kept taunting her to go along with him. But she held on to her strict Christian upbringing and stood her ground. She determined that she was not going anywhere with a guy that she did not know. It didn't matter that he promised her a nice meal if she did. Even the constant rumbling of her stomach could not make her change her mind.

She walked on the bare road clutching on to the oversize dress she wore. She hoped she could make it to the village before nightfall. That was the only place she could find solace from a life of misery, one she had had to endure since she lost both her parents to AIDS. She had heard them talk of a distant uncle who lived in the village she was heading to and who was reputed to being wealth enough to be able to feed another mouth. So on this day, Jane had woken up early and gathered all the belongings she had and begun the miserable walk to seek her uncle.

She was leaving behind memories that he would treasure forever. But she knew that if she had to survive the harsh famine, and the constant advances from men, some old enough to be her father, she had to make the long trek to the village. So her journey had begun and 4 hours later she was still walking on. She had met this man on the way who tried to make talk with her but turned him down. He followed her for most of the way, making small talk and offering what any young girl of 14, cold and hungry, could barely turn down. But jane was determined that she would not fall for his enticements. That was until the sky begun to turn dark and she had not yet found her uncles' house.

The man, now at an advantage kept his distance. Still he kept trailing the girl at a safe distance. She tried to think of all the signs that she had heard her parents talk of that would lead her to the place. Several times she found that she was walking round in circles. Tired, hungry and upset Jane was want for a place to lay down for the night. And that was when he sturck. With stories of a warm bed and food in his family house the man couldn't have got a better chance. It didn't take long for her to change her mind and follow the fatherly guy that would give her the basics for the night. What she didn't know was that that fatal decision would perhaps lead her to the fate suffered by her parents and many other girls her age who unknowingly fall into such traps and end up with HIV as a result.


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This article has been read 265 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marita Vandertogt02/01/08
Wow - what a powerful story, and such a sad ending. You really captured the girl's dilemma and her glimmer of hope, only to fall to the same fate as all the others. This is haunting, and very well written.
Jan Ackerson 02/01/08
So sad, and heartbreaking to think that it plays out every day.

I would have liked a bit more to establish setting--was not sure where this was taking place.

Good job with providing both mood and tone.
Laury Hubrich 02/01/08
I assume this was set in Africa? I felt like I was walking along with this young girl. Good job setting the tone! Make sure you have someone proofread your work. It distracts from the great writing. Don't want that to happen. Keep up the good work!
Laury
Marlene Austin02/06/08
Really felt the tension and emotion in this piece. Nice job. :)


   
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