The Official Writing Challenge
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Very sad story. Easy to follow except at the end. Who is they and how does Jesus' birthday get celebrated every day?
Sad story. Just a little unsure about the ending.
Short but beautiful. Grief can catch us out at all sorts of unexpected moments. Sorting out paragraphing for speach changes and a clearer ending would help the reader connect more closely with your story.
I had a little trouble following the story. I think that starting with the picture of the Granddaughter might have been what caused the confusion. Your descriptions,however, were quite good and it was easy to feel the pain that the girl was feeling. Details are important but especially with telling exactly what is happening either through the dialogue or the events. Here is what I think was happening but much of it happened through guess work. I think that it is the one year anniversary of a baby's death.
I could feel the grief in the piece. Yes, it could have been organized a bit tighter but capturing the emotion like you did is 90% of the battle!
You captured the grief of this mother very well and have the makings of a great story. Just a little tweaking is all it needs! ;) Good job.
Penny, I wanted to make a point of visiting your entry this week and giving you a bit of encouragement. As everyone has said, you've got a sweet story that just needs a bit of tweaking. So I've copied it and will do a bit of editing to give you an idea of what we mean. Could you write to me at and I'll send you my editing suggestions. You are so faithful entering each week and so enthusiastic, which is wonderful. I want to give you something in return. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
There is one thing about you as a writer Penny and that is that you always have such sweet, touching entries. With all those helpful editors around now I expect you see your name very soon with a ribon by it :)