Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “Don’t Try to Walk before You Can Crawl” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/17/08)
TITLE: Creche: The Motion Picture
By James Dixon
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Cast: I can probably persuade Tim and Max to voice the two babies if I buy a big enough round of drinks at the pub. Their wives could play the mothers if I add chocolates to the bar tab. They have a healthy brood of children between them for extras. A girl can play Sandy. Cher’s kitten can do the roaring lion bit.
The camera pans up the path to the Sunday school crèche. Memo to self: check child protection regulations before filming.
Cut to inside of crèche. Mother places babies on play mat.
There you go, run along and enjoy yourselves.
Clever editing may be required to synchronize voice over. It will be easier to persuade one of the wives to sew costumes for the men. We could be talking Belgium chocolates.
Cut to big furniture set. Chippy Paul could build it for me. The remaining budget is £10 after beer and chocolates. I hope that’s enough.
Tim never shaves when he is hung over. I don’t want a hairy baby. Can Paul plaster?
Do you see that girl over there?
Shot of Sandy playing happily (Cher can be stunt double for close up shot). Make that a lingering shot.
What the one with the cute smile? She can share my Blankie any day!
Well, you don’t want to be like her.
Why not Tim?
Just you watch. Do you see she has that board book?
Well she is going to get it all wrong… 1…2…3… There it goes straight in her mouth!
What’s wrong with that? I love chewing books. I’m a real bookworm.
That is not how you get words out of a book. You are supposed to just use you eyes like our mums do. Baby books are a rip-off. They don’t have squiggly lines like the big ones.
How do you know that?
I tore one up once.
I’ll tell you something else, you won’t catch me reading “Babies First Bible”
What are you going to read Tim?
I’m going to study the bible properly, in the original Greek, or not at all.
Now what is she doing?
Wide angle shot of child imitating parents praying. Mothers make encouraging sounds. Women are good at that sort of thing so there is no need to script. Just let natural talent shine.
Isn’t that pathetic! She is going to try and join in with the prayers.
That seems pretty big.
Goo goo ga ga ga ga, ‘men
Cut to close up shot of boys.
That isn’t big. If you are going to try and be big then you had better be large. Use long words or Thee and Thine lots.
What do Thee and Thine mean?
I don’t know, but those kinds of words impress God and that what’s important. When I start praying I’ll use the proper theological talk or not bother at all.
Scene setting shot of activities coming to an end. Must make sure children are not doing something rude in the frame. This film is intended for a Christian audience.
Look Tim. She is trying to help with the clearing up. Would you like to help?
Sweeping shot and zooms to Tim. NB scale problem.
No. I’m going to be a leader. Menial tasks are beneath me.
How do you become a leader?
Just follow me and I will show you.
Tim assumes a heroic stance, back light. Insert some Shakespearean gravitas at this point:
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
… or something more appropriate?
No, no, no, no, NO! You don’t hold a dustpan like that.
Oh dear, too late.
(Sighs) If you are going to make more mess then you’re no help at all.
Look! They have put my report card down next to you. Can you read what it says?
Yeah, just a moment… (leans over and reads)
…it says you are a slow learner.
I cut it here. I’m not sure the cast will be up to an epic bio-pic, besides, I only bought the camcorder last week. The viewer will be able to work out why Tim is like he is for them self. Never work with children, animals or Tim as the saying goes.
Distribute through YouTube.
Did you spot the quote from William Shakespear's Henry V?
Chippy= Construction industry (UK) slang for carpenter.
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