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Year after year, sometimes month after month I lived with a dark cloud over my soul. At times it threatened to consume me and steal the joy I barely managed to hang onto by a thread.
My longing for another child began to overwhelm me with intensity like that of waves beating mercilessly against a rock.
When our daughter Rebekah was born how blessed we felt. Our elation spilled over into rejoicing as we beheld her beauty – what a wonderful creation of God!
The next few years fled by, filled with delighting in her, raising her, getting to know her and her winsome ways. Over the years though, I began to feel like something was missing and desired another child like a cat desires to lay in a warm sunbeam to warm itself. I was sure another child would thaw the coldness of my soul that the dark cloud was beginning to cast.
It was not to be. Month after month… no baby. My heart was in deeper anguish than I have ever known. The emptiness of my womb time after time crushed my heart leaving it feeling as empty as my womb.
One year when Rebekah was about eleven, a very dear friend of mine said something to me that had a profound impact on my heart. She asked me if I had been thanking God for Rebekah. She said, in essence, very lovingly that thanking God for Rebekah could help my heart not to be so sad about not having a another child… to focus on raising the child I already had, instead of continually mourning the one that wasn’t.
Her words changed my heart and the dark cloud began to fade away to shades of gray, and eventually wasn’t there any more at all. I began to thank God for the child we did have, and focused my attention more on raising her and enjoying her. She was my gift from God – how could I treat her as any less than that, by longing so desperately for another child?
The years have gone by and while there were times I still (naturally) longed for another child, I have continued to give thanks for Rebekah who is now a lovely twenty-one year old young woman.
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