The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/21/08
Very sobering!
You portrayed the topic very well. A little dialogue might help it become more alive.Also, it would have been stronger to leave off the last line.
Good job...Keep writing.
01/22/08
I like the way you put Martin's background in. It helped me to understand him better as an adult. I felt sad that he didn't learn his lesson before the cancer.
Great job, you have much to say here and it came out clearly. Keep up the good words.
You did this well, but how sad to realize when you have so little time left in your life. You would hope the family would forgive, but that does not always happen after such a tragic way of living your life. Good writing. Keep it up.
01/22/08
I love the peek into Martin's childhood, and how it foreshadowed the man he would become.

A note: I think you meant "estranged" children. And perhaps end a few sentences earlier, with his vow never to puruse material things again. Your readers will supply the rest.

I like your title, and your "take" on the topic.
01/22/08
I really like the way you told a story about Martin to kick off his lifelong obsession.
Very good job of conveying this week's topic. I can see this being used as a devotional.
This life sped by so quickly, but was right on topic.
Just my opinion, but I think it might have been more engaging if his history was shared as flashbacks/memories, perhaps even in first person.
01/23/08
I really liked the marble story as background on Martin, and your title in light of that story and the trade-offs Martin made in his life. You've written this really well.