Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/10/08)

TITLE: To Mommy or Not To Mommy
By jodie banner
01/14/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

"Dear Heavenly Father, Please give me the strength to make it through this day. I really want to be good at being a full time mother, but I just don't seem to have what it takes to do this. I know I am missing out on so much being away from work. The hospital nursing department is really short-staffed. I could be helping others and the extra money would make our life so much easier. I'm sure the kids would be just fine......"

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Keigan was tugging at her pajama's.

"One moment honey, Mommy is almost done, why don't you go see if Amy is awake yet."

"I'm hungreeeeeeeee!"

"Ok, I'm coming."

"I ask these things in Jesus' precious name, Amen"

"Ok Keigan, I'm all yours. Let's get Amy up and I'll make your favorite, peanut butter and banana pancakes."

"NO, I want a COOKIEEEEE!"

"No , we'll have a cookie after lunch."

"Cookie, cookie, cookie, I WANT a cookie NOW!" Keigan stomps his foot with his hands on his hips.

"Oh good, the day is starting off with a bang. Keigan is throwing a tantrum and he hasn't been out of bed for more than five minutes. Now Amy is screaming. " Lisa thought to herself.

"I'm coming Amy, don't cry, mommy is coming. Oh no! Amy you took off your diaper again. Stop playing in that! Keigan go watch cartoons for a few minutes, I have to give Amy a bath."

*****

Keigan sneaks into the kitchen and his little toddler mind starts working. "I get cookie. I can climb on this chair,... get up on here.... and if I put this foot here and my hand here...."

CRASH!

"Kiegan what are you doing!"

"Gettin the peanut butter for you!"

Lisa runs into the kitchen with a naked and wet Amy in her arms. "Keigan, I know you were in the cookies, the canister is broken all over the stove! Now we don't have any cookies. Amy has an appointment at ten, so by the time I clean this up we won't have time to make the pancakes. You are getting cereal for breakfast. When your done throwing your fit you may come and eat."

*****

Lisa and her husband Dean are cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. "Dean, I had a really bad day with the kids today. Maybe we should think about getting a Nanny for their protection. After the breakfast disaster this morning, we were ten minutes late for Amy's appointment. I know they would have made me reschedule if I wouldn't have looked like a rabid squirrel as I ran into the office. Keigan screamed the whole time we were at the grocery store because I wouldn't buy more cookies and Amy just kept...."

"Lisa, just relax. Why don't you go on up to bed and I'll put the kids down. I'll meet you in the bedroom in an hour."

"Would you really, I think I could use some quiet time alone." Lisa goes to the bedroom and kneels by her bed.

"Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for keeping me sane today. I know I never would have made it through without you. I'm realizing now I will never be good at this and after today Dean must know that as well. Tomorrow I am going to call the nursing supervisor at the hospital and....."

"Mommy, can I pray with you?"

"Sure you can Keigan, come over here and kneel next to me."

"Dear Jesus, Please I'm sorry for breaking Mommies cookies. She is the bestest Mommy ever. Thank you for Mommy and for Amy and for Daddy. AHHHHHHMen!"

"Oh good job Keigan. Did Daddy send you in here?"

"No Jesus did. Goodnight Mommy. Love you."

"I love you too, Keigan." He runs out of the bedroom.

"Oh Lord, Thank you so much for that gift. Maybe I'm not so bad at this after all. Now I know I belong here. I can't believe I almost missed out on this moment and so many others. You are truly the most.... be right back Lord, Amy is crying for me..."


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 482 times
Member Comments
Member Date
LauraLee Shaw01/21/08
This is a precious story, and I love the end with the child praying. I believe I saw one or two tense changes in the story-telling, but it didn't distract much. I like your title, too. Great message for us stressed out moms!
Yvonne Blake 01/21/08
How tender!
I loved this part:
"No Jesus did"
Probably the explanations in between weren't really needed. The action and prayers were great by themselves.
Keep it up.
Linda Germain 01/21/08
In spite of a few POV shifts and small errors, this is right on topic and certainly ministers to Moms!
Hanne Moon 01/22/08
I love the thought behind this...yes, it's overwhelming to be a mom, and a lot of times we think we're horrible at it. But God gave us the gift of these children, and we should enjoy every precious moment with them. I have felt exactly like this character. There were a few punctuation errors, and I didn't really like the POV shift to the little boy - it slowed the pace of the story, especially when you jumped back to the mother's POV in the middle of that scene. However, I loved the ending. Keep up the good work!
Julie Ruspoli01/22/08
I love this story. And my favorite part is...

Keigan sneaks into the kitchen and his little toddler mind starts working. "I get cookie. I can climb on this chair,... get up on here.... and if I put this foot here and my hand here...."

Great job at expressing what little ones think.

The POV shifs worked for me. It read like a tiny novel. Great message so many Mom's need to hear when they are feeling down. Keep writing for HIM!

Holly Westefeld01/23/08
I so appreciate this story, both having had the privilege of being home with my kids, and having had one really bad case of mom burn-out.
I wish more mothers would see the value in being home with their children, as we can pay people to watch them, but not to love them.
Beth LaBuff 01/23/08
Beautiful story! What a great title for this too. You've captured every Mom's feelings of being overwhelmed and inadequate. The little boy's sentence, "Jesus did" is so perfect. Thanks for this!