Sarah sits and sighs a long lonely sound.
Heres she was again, another birthday another day in her lonely life.
Wasn’t even as if this was here real birthday.
Just the day she had picked when she was eight.
No one at the orphanage knew the real day.
No one except her birth mother knew the real day.
She had been dumped on the doorstep 16 years ago barely days old and with her name “Sarah” pinned to her blanket.
She used to make up fantasies of who her real parents were and how they would one day come for her and things would be different.
But with the years came the slow release of these fragile dreams as reality replaced fiction.
Just lately she had wondered about the futility of it all.
Why on earth she was here and why her mother hadn’t just had an abortion and stopped her before she had even begun.
Where was this so called “Loving God” now?
Jimmy her only friend at the dingy apartment she called home talked about “Jesus this and Jesus that” but that was just a crutch for the weak minded, wasn’t it?
Slowly Sarah picks up her cup and walks the short distance back to work.
The rain that had been threatening all day starts.
Not heavy but just enough to make her cold and wet and as heavy as the dark clouds above her head.
“Great” she mutters to herself thinking “Miserable day, miserable weather, Miserable Life”
Sarah goes about the rest of her day in the same cold beaten passivity.
The same questions rolling around in her painful thoughts.
“Why, What’s the use” the mantra of the years of neglect.
As she enters the door to her apartment later that same day she collects her mail.
She wonders why she even bothers as its always bills or junk mail.
Flicking through the bits and pieces she comes upon the bright red envelope.
“Strange” she thinks. No it’s no mistake; it has her name and address on the front.
Trembling by now she manages to rip open the front.
It’s a big beautiful card with the words “Happy Birthday” on it.
A tear slides down her cold cheek.
She opens it and reads.
Girl you are great and I hope you have a lovely day Remember Jesus loves you…. Jimmy.
She smiles and walks towards the kitchen.
Some time later she is still sitting at the table gently holding the card in her hands with a gentle smile on her lips.
Her eyes drop to the words at the very bottom of the card in small clear writing.
Psalm 139…. nothing else just this line.
Sarah puzzles for a minute about this until she remembers the little red bible jimmy had given her last Christmas, she has it somewhere here.
After a bit of searching she finds it and sits on the edge of her bed and opens it up.
She is sure she has seen this word psalm in there the one and only time she had opened it since she had got it.
Finally she finds the psalms and then 139….and starts to read. Her eyes drink in each and every word. Finally she understands. Her heart is beating like a drum. She is filled with so much joy as the words dance around inside her head touching and cleansing all the darkened areas of hurt. She feels the healing spreading to every part.
The tears by now are almost a river down her cheeks.
“Father” she cries out. Now she knows why. Now she has her answers. Now she has meaning and purpose. Now she is not alone.
She is so excited that she wants to rush up to jimmy’s door but she knows he isn’t there yet. This is his night to help out at the soup kitchen. Her smile lights up the room. There will be time to tell him tomorrow. For now she is going to curl up in bed and read some more with her father.
For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful.
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