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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: birthday (05/23/05)

TITLE: Birthday 25th December
By Dave Kemp
05/23/05


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Are you coming to the party tonight?
A birthday celebration.
Everyone’s going to be there.
Come on you’ve got to come.
It’s a very special occasion and…
It only happens once a year.

Designer clothes to wear.
Expensive present bought.
Loaded up with drink
To help the night along.
We’re ready to go!

The party was great
The presents amazing.
What an occasion!
Sure we got a little drunk.
But then… it only happens once a year.

When I come to think though
Something seems a little strange.
In the midst of all the celebration.
There was something we forgot.
Whatever could it be?


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Member Comments
Member Date
Delores McCarter05/30/05
Very creative poem! You shed light in an area that needs it. Although your title didn't have the same pizzaz that you used for your poem, it was still a great effort.
Dave Kemp05/30/05
Re: Delores' comment any ideas folks?
Phyllis Inniss 05/30/05
Good question at the end. Too many people forget why we celebrate that date. Interesting poem.
Debbie OConnor06/03/05
I agree with Delores, your poem is very thought-provoking. The title is helpful, in that it explains what birthday was being celebrated, but it could be more interesting -- to grab readers. The title to the poem above yours grabbed me right off. You might think along the lines of the missing guest of honor...and incorporate the fact that you are talking about Christmas as a jolt at the end of your poem. Just food for thought. Good work.
Debbie OConnor06/03/05
Whoops! The title I referred to that grabbed me was Celestial Space. It was two up! :)
dub W06/04/05
First, I worried about the title, then as I read the poem I had to backtrack my thinking. Nice narrative style.
Deborah Porter 06/06/05
Dave, I liked this poem a LOT! I even liked the title. With that as the title you didn't have to make any mention at all in the poem as to what that particular birthday celebration was all about. It helped the punchline at the end. So good work. I like your style and think you'll do well as you keep entering the Challenge.

But that brings me to the one little problem your entry did have - and that was the size of it. At just 104 words, it was under the minimum word count allowed.

The word count limits are 150 minimum and 750 maximum.

But please keep entering. As I said, I like your style. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)