The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/08
Strong analogy, and I like the allegorical tone of this.

Your long paragraphs--particularly the 2nd one--should be broken into smaller segments. The second one should be divided into individual paragraphs for each speaker.

I'll admit to being a bit squeamish when the marrator was about to be sawed, but you handled that well.
01/10/08
Jan just said what I was going to, especially with the paragraphing. This is good writing, a little weak staying on the topic I think, cause I don't quite see the proverb, but that might just be me. A good story.
Very good message and story. Also very timely as this is the start of a new year and so many of us are trying to restore our temple to a healthy state. Well done.
Nicely done. While a balanced spiritual diet, and spiritual exercise may seem onerous, it is so much more effective and satisfying than binging on, and dieting from, worldliness.
01/15/08
Interesting allegory!
My father works with wood, so I enjoyed the mention of the different tools. I think the words in parentheses were probably self-explained or implied, so thus not necessary.
Good job...keep writing.
As far as mechanics, each time a new person is speaking dialogue, you will want to have a new paragraph.

As in some of the other comments, I thought it was a little hard to find the "stitch in time saves nine," although it is implied somewhat.

I think you have a lovely writing style, which reminded me of Hannah Hurnard's "Hinds Feet in High Places." I see that you have a deep spirituality as well.

I would suggest trying your hand at devotional writing, once you have worked more on the technical aspects. Devotionals are an avenue to share the things God is showing you through short teachings. It's a great way to bless the Body of Christ.