The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/08
Captivating reading. Keep your reader hooked - good job.
01/10/08
Good story with strong allegorical elements.

Once you'd set it up, the ending was a bit predictable; would it be possible to give the ending some sort of twist?
01/11/08
Well done! This could very well be made into a longer story, using mini plots and developing the characters.
Good job...keep writing.
01/12/08
I enjoyed the folk style of your writing. This conveyed the allegory very well. There can be a slight danger of feeling over familiar with the style of the story.