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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of ďA Stitch in Time Saves NineĒ (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/03/08)

TITLE: Me First
By W. Yvonne Birnell
01/05/08


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Bedtimeís here - I now lay me down
All I can think of is my frown
So many things went wrong today
My day it started the wrong way

To start things off I got up late
Which only made me feel irate
Next I broke the golden rule
I made my children late for school

Then off to work I had to run
I know right now this wonít be fun
My boss he met me at the clock
Said itís my paycheck he will dock

Then he spoke just like a jerk
Iíll teach you to be late for work
A new job he now bestowed
Made my brain want to explode

At last I see itís time to go
Man this trafficís moving slow
I have plans for a dinner guest
I sure would like to look my best

Now as I enter my front door
I see thereís toys upon my floor
I scream and shout, the children cry
I wonder why I even try

Please help me Lord I finally ask
I have no strength for one more task
Iíll lean on You, for You are strong
Please show me now what I did wrong

The reason for this awful mess
God showed to me with such success
Today your day it was the worst
Even late, still make Me First


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This article has been read 491 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Judy Bowers01/11/08
A good message in this poem. Beginning each busy day with a prayer puts all else into perspective. I like it!
Jan Ackerson 01/11/08
I think we've all experienced similar frustrating days!

Consider experiementing with different rhyme schemes. Rhymed couplets get a bit tiring on the reader...try an ABAB rhyme and see if it improves the flow of your next poem.

I like the more compex rhymes like "bestowed" and "explode"--good job!
Yvonne Blake 01/11/08
A poem!
I like the way the title turned from you saying, "Me First", to the Lord saying, "Me First".
Good job.
Keep writing.
Benjamin Graber01/16/08
We can save a lot of heartache by keeping our heart in the right place... Thank you for the reminder!

I think this poem would be easier to read if you added punctuation. Also, like Jan said, the AABB rhyming scheme gets a bit repetitive - you might want to try a different rhyming scheme for a poem this long.

Let me know if I can help in any way!
Linda Watson Owen01/20/08
Yvonne, this is such a cute and effective poem all at the same time! You've delivered a serious and needed message with a 'spoonful of sugar,' the whimsy of the lighter rhythm and rhyme. Right on topic too! I enjoyed this a lot!