The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/11/08
A good message in this poem. Beginning each busy day with a prayer puts all else into perspective. I like it!
01/11/08
I think we've all experienced similar frustrating days!

Consider experiementing with different rhyme schemes. Rhymed couplets get a bit tiring on the reader...try an ABAB rhyme and see if it improves the flow of your next poem.

I like the more compex rhymes like "bestowed" and "explode"--good job!
01/11/08
A poem!
I like the way the title turned from you saying, "Me First", to the Lord saying, "Me First".
Good job.
Keep writing.
We can save a lot of heartache by keeping our heart in the right place... Thank you for the reminder!

I think this poem would be easier to read if you added punctuation. Also, like Jan said, the AABB rhyming scheme gets a bit repetitive - you might want to try a different rhyming scheme for a poem this long.

Let me know if I can help in any way!
Yvonne, this is such a cute and effective poem all at the same time! You've delivered a serious and needed message with a 'spoonful of sugar,' the whimsy of the lighter rhythm and rhyme. Right on topic too! I enjoyed this a lot!