The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/10/08
The rythmn of this great. I like the way you put us into his thoughts.
Perhaps it would have been slightly stronger, if you put it in first person form.
Also, it helps the reader to space between paragraphs.
Good job.
01/11/08
This is simply top-notch writing!

Just work a bit on formatting, please...

This is really outstanding, one of my favorites so far.