The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/10/08
So sad! We in America just don't know the difficulties of other countries.
Good job on the setting in the first paragraph.
It would have helped to state specific ways the riots could have been avoided.
Keep writing.
01/10/08
This was a very topical take on the subject. Thanks.
01/11/08
This was quite intriguing--I'd definitely like to have read more, and you had more words to play with. Expand this one, for sure!

I think a piece this interesting deserves a more original title--try to avoid using cliches and make you titles original to your piece.
Found this interesting, but was left a bit confused at the end as to the reason chaos so immediately broke out.
I thought the story started well. You had me hooked with Jane's predicament and her hope for a brighter future. I also got the theme - if only steps were taken early, life may be better. It seems like there are two stories here - Jane's life and government issues. A suggestion: Perhaps the ending could use more impact. How did Jane overcome these problems?