The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/13/07
That was so sad. I especially liked the wording in your opening paragraph.
12/14/07
This is a powerful message. I smiled at this line: "When he was growing up, on Sunday mornings, the women of the church could still be seen in their hats, matching shoes and purses while leaving a trail of perfume as they hurried to their seats." It brings back such memories.

One suggestion -- separating the paragraphs with a blank line would make this easier for the reader.

Nice job with the topic.
12/16/07
Very sad--I like to think that most Christians would not act this way.

Good writing--work a little bit more on "showing, not telling" and your writing will really shine.
12/18/07
So sad! This has a strong message.
I suggest that you leave a space between paragraphs, so it's easier to read. Also, there should be paragraph breaks for each speaker.
Keep writing.