The Official Writing Challenge
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Your entry had a stong message of truth. You show much potential in your writing. A challenge buddy might be a good step to take as you polish your skill.
There is much truth in this piece. A bit of work on meter and other poetry mechanics might strengthen it some. Keep writing - I enjoyed this.
There is a lot here for us to think about and to work on.

One thing that might increase the "flow" of this poem is to try for the same number of stressed and unstressed syllables in each line. Some of your lines have this, and then when the meter changes, your readers take a little mental "stumble."

Work on it--you've got important things to say!
A poem! I love poems!
The rhyme is great, but the rhythm was awkward. Maybe if you broke each line into 2 shorter lines,it might have helped the meter.
Good message too.