The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1153 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a beautiful story with a such a wonderful message. Well done.
12/16/07
Lovely descriptions, and great job showing the emotion. This one blessed me.
12/16/07
A wonderful picture of what God can do in a broken heart. Good writing :)
12/16/07
Love the bit at the end where the people become the decorations! This is well-written and tender.
12/18/07
Ahhhh... from the lips of children! I loved the comparison.
Good writing.
12/18/07
I loved this also... you surprised me as I read it and then I realized how brilliantly crafted this piece was ... creative, tender, sweet, believable, and true... all so uplifting..nothing can kill the Spirit of God in us.. the eternal cannot be quenched.. FULL OF GOOD NEWS!
12/18/07
I loved this also... you surprised me as I read it and then I realized how brilliantly crafted this piece was ... creative, tender, sweet, believable, and true... all so uplifting..nothing can kill the Spirit of God in us.. the eternal cannot be quenched.. FULL OF GOOD NEWS!
12/18/07
Lovely story from beginning to end. I loved how you began with insignificant decorations and ended people as decorations. Great job!
12/18/07
What a beautiful story with such a clear message. Lovely how you revealed that Christians are God's decorations. Keep up the good work.
12/18/07
Well, there's nothing in this story that needs my red ink! It's very beautiful and wonderfully crafted. I can't think of anything to "improve" the writing or the story. Excellent.
12/18/07
You have writing talent which is good to see :) An easy tip I can give you is to not use normal adjectives to describe things--use other words instead. For instance, sparkling eyes is so overused. Whip out your dictionary and find sparkle--gleaming, glittering. Then let your mind wander to what sparkles--glittering like silver baubles, gleaming like shiny mirrors, etc. WORD can help with synonyms too--right click and it can pull some up for you.
I don't think you'll be in Beginners for very long. This is really good writing!
12/19/07
This was nice! I really liked your ending, it was pretty nice. One note: when Elizabeth is asking if her mother is okay, give Hannah's thought a new paragraph, that way we don't get the two of them mixed up. ^_^ Good writing!
I think you will be moving up rather quickly, the only change I saw would be to spell out 7 for elizabeth's age. Will be looking for more good works from you.
12/19/07
This is very sweet, and very well written. I agree -- you won't be in beginners for long. :)
12/20/07
Oh my, I can't believe this is in beginners! What an incredible story!

My only suggestion would be to add some variety to your opening paragraph sentences....most of them started with "she," and I'm thinking you could have changed up some of the structure there. Just a simple and picky critique.

Your balance between dialogue and story-telling was just right, and I could picture being a part of the scene. Excellent job!
12/20/07
Congratulations on your highly commended. This is a very good story, and well written.
Congratulations! This brought a lump to my throat, and tears to my eyes.
12/22/07
Lovely, lovely story with great writing! Sorry I'm not much help as far as the RED PEN district. Congrats on your "highly commended".
12/27/07
Congrats on your recognition. It's well deserved. There are a lot of articles in the contest for Church about people vs. place, you applied that in a very unique way and wove together people and objects; tough to do and congrats is deserved.
01/27/08
This is a lovely story! I hope you enter the Challenge often because I'd really enjoy reading your work every week. Give a hint if you do so I don't miss you!