The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/16/07
Fascinating and creative - much to ponder here. This felt a bit heavy on the adjectives (try using strong verbs a bit more), but definitely intriguing. Keep writing!
12/16/07
This has a definite dreamlike quality to it--interesting style.

I got lost a little bit in the sea of adjectives, and in some awkward phrasing that a closer edit might have picked up.

I liked the writer's voice in this story.
12/17/07
Chilling! I suggest using simpler words. Although, your words were "vibrant", it took the focus away from the story. Use them sparingly, at crucial points for emphasis.
I like the ending.
12/17/07
I like your writing style, and I enjoyed this entry a lot. Imagine, trying to tell Jesus He worshiped at the wrong church. And the MC remains clueless. Good job!