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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Church (12/06/07)

TITLE: Shine Ye The Light
By Deborah Caruso


The dimness of the night’s light as it kissed the castle’s ancient stones, made for an ominous sight, as Lucus and Ellen Meyer warily approached the towering door. In their hands, a candlestick; they lit their candles before going in.

With a somber look, Lucus said, “We must consider Master Iam’s exhortation, ‘Do not grow weary, just shine ye the light’.”

“Tis quite dark in here though.” Ellen said as she shone her light up and down the flawed, high-ceiling walls, and then onto the cobwebs that had settled in all four corners. “It doesn’t help much with all the windows boarded up, blocking out any light. What if our candles, per chance, go out?”

“It would be much darker and we would likely stumble.”

Pulling up her shawl, Ellen said, “Tis uncomfortably cold and drafty in here, I really do worry that our lights shall be extinguished.”

“Do not fear our lights shall shine bright this night.”

They walked on.

Ellen cried, “I hear something, it’s quite unsettling, perhaps a thief.”
“Thou art such a coward Ellen Lucinda, even if it is a thief, we have enough light to expose him, and he shall immediately flee away.”

“Wait.” She said tugging at his coat, “Do ye hear that?”

“I do, Shhh.” He crept over and slowly opened the door where the noise was coming from.

“What the Dickens was that?” Ellen said jumping back, pulling her brother with her.

“The way ye jumped, one would think a roaring lion, but if I’m not mistaken, that was a mere cat.” Lucus said, as the fury form scurried by them.

“That scared the daylights out of me.” Cried Ellen.

“I think we scared the daylights out of it. Come now, the time is at hand for the destruction of this house, then it will be too late to find them.”

Ellen asked, “How can Master Iam even hope they can still be found in here?”

“I don’t know, but he has called on us to seek them out and bring them securely back to him.”

Ellen’s rubbed her arm, “I’m getting weary holding this candle. It’s too hard for me to keep holding it up so high.”

“We must have sturdy candles to shine forth enough light. Remember, don’t ye grow weary, just shine ye the light.” Lucus said pushing back another cobweb.

“This place is in a mess.” Ellen said as she heard fluttering noises above her. “What in God’s creation is that dreadful racket I hear up there?”

“Bats, perhaps. This castle is most surely full of bats for they favor hanging around in dark places.”

“I abhor bats, they are evil creatures. Let’s shine the light; they shall not come near the light.” She said lifting the light even higher. “Oh my, what’s that?” She said pointing at a dark object ahead of them.

“That, my dear sister, would be my shadow. Why is your spirit so fearful? We won’t get anywhere if thou art afraid of our shadows. Come along, we must not delay, but press on. The time is short, and we must shine the light; the light will surely show us the way.”

“Why doesn’t’ Master Iam come for them himself?” Ellen asked.

“Thou art tossed to and fro with so many questions this night, ye know Master Iam can’t come down here, we have to go for him. Wait, what’s that over there?” Lucus asked as his candle’s light hit an object wedged in between the floor planks. He went over to it, “Here, hold my candle.” He got out his sword and loosed the object. It was a locket, and inside it, the pictures of the man and woman; the beloved souls; the sought out branches of Master Iam’s ancestry. Just think, they’ve been underneath the weight of this castle all this time, without being seen. Now the light has shined on them and they have finally been unearthed.”

“If we had not come this night, they might never have been found. Let us go present them to Master Iam. He will be overjoyed when he has them back in his hands.” Said Ellen.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 12/16/07
I like the historical setting and feel of this story.

The dialect was inconsistant at times, and there are some punctuation errors to be edited. With some refinement, this will really appeal to readers of this genre.
Karen Wilber12/16/07
I was really enjoying reading this - then, at the end, I thought "is this on topic for church?" So I may have missed something. I like the dialogue between the two speakers. I did find "the dickens" and "scared the daylights" to not go with the style of speaking of the two main characters. Good writing, though. Keep it up!
Yvonne Blake 12/16/07
What an interesting allegory! I liked your "old English" dialect.
"What the Dickens?" didn't really fit the picture, but I caught your "roaring lion" and "King Iam" and so many other references to Bible verses.
Good job.