The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/16/07
I like the historical setting and feel of this story.

The dialect was inconsistant at times, and there are some punctuation errors to be edited. With some refinement, this will really appeal to readers of this genre.
12/16/07
I was really enjoying reading this - then, at the end, I thought "is this on topic for church?" So I may have missed something. I like the dialogue between the two speakers. I did find "the dickens" and "scared the daylights" to not go with the style of speaking of the two main characters. Good writing, though. Keep it up!
12/16/07
What an interesting allegory! I liked your "old English" dialect.
"What the Dickens?" didn't really fit the picture, but I caught your "roaring lion" and "King Iam" and so many other references to Bible verses.
Good job.