The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/06/07
This piece has much to recommend it--a lyrical voice in particular, and a unique style.

I would recommend that you break this large block of text into smaller paragraphs, and be aware of run-on sentences and comma splices.

You brought the topic in at the last minute...could be a bit weak in that regard.

All that being said, I really enjoyed this piece; the author definitely has a gift for words.
12/06/07
Hard to scan but worth the effort.
I'm not sure how it connects with the topic home group,unless its the one beyond this life. But this piece is a very haunting and interesting read. And very well written.