The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This piece has much to recommend it--a lyrical voice in particular, and a unique style.

I would recommend that you break this large block of text into smaller paragraphs, and be aware of run-on sentences and comma splices.

You brought the topic in at the last minute...could be a bit weak in that regard.

All that being said, I really enjoyed this piece; the author definitely has a gift for words.
Hard to scan but worth the effort.
I'm not sure how it connects with the topic home group,unless its the one beyond this life. But this piece is a very haunting and interesting read. And very well written.