The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/06/07
Charming title, and lots of fun dialogue here.

You can make it easier for your reader to differentiate between speakers if you separate out their dialogue. So your first paragraph, for example, would look like this:

"Good morning Miss Pugh how are you today?”

“Oh you wouldn’t believe the
trouble I’ve had this week, first there was the cat, it had kittens behind the settee, and I didn’t know it was expecting, supposed to be doctored and all that you know.... then...”

“Would you like a cup of tea and a piece of flapjack?”

“Oh yes, thank you ...
and then I had a phone call from Edna Gilbert she has a rash on...”

“Milk and sugar Miss Pugh.”


Your characters have real personality; this was a fun read.

12/06/07
I like the banter style of dialouge but found it really hard to pick out who was speaking. Each change of speaker needs their own paragraph.