The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/18/07
A very neat, encouraging story. A little polish on grammar and punctuation and this would really shine. Keep writing!
11/19/07
I liked the story here, but it was a little confusing here and there. Try to add some commas, after names and such.
e.g. son, Titus, elder to Betty.
It will make for easier reading-also, every time there is a new speaker, begin a new paragraph. Otherwise, this was neat! A wonderful example of how our own encouragment can keep on giving even months afterwards.