The Official Writing Challenge
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11/15/07
Well-written. Good job in this piece.
11/17/07
Good description of the frustrations of a mother.
11/18/07
A good story and one that is easy to relate to. I like the way they both encouraged each other. Nice work
11/18/07
I really, really liked this story. Your descriptions were awesome, I could feel your MCs frustrations.
Some of your sentences might need a lil polishing, read a lil rough; only a few. Your lead sentence was over 50 words long, not against the law :) but could have been split up into some shorter ones, even though the run-on-like sentence did set the caotic mood you were hoping for.
Your ending was great, brought tears to my eyes. God is good!
God bless.
11/18/07
Well told. How encouraging to be allowed to see others' weaknesses, and yet feel their peace, love and understanding being offered to you.
11/19/07
Clever title. Only someone who has gone through the same circumstances would understand. You've written this very well!
11/19/07
I like the way you expressed the notion of people who seem "in another league" than ourselves, are so often just like us. It's truly a very encouraging revelation! Great writing :)
11/19/07
I love how they encouraged each other. Your description of the chaos encouraged ME! (you should see my house LOL)

My only suggestion is to focus on a bit less telling and more showing. For instance, you said "she was humiliated" - saying her cheeks turned red and she lowered her face give the same idea but is more descriptive. You did this in general, but there were a few places you could do it a bit more.

Enjoyed this very much!
11/19/07
Hehe. You sure captured life with little guys! In my house it was legos (ouch!) and I'm happy to say that I don't miss the cheerios one bit!! LoL. Good job!!
11/20/07
Good story, good characters, and realistic dialogue! That adds up to a great read. Creative writing on this topic, too.
There may have been a few glitches - not many - in the mechanics of your writing but the authentic emotions expressed and human character and Christian love were so genuine I barely noticed. Wonderful job.
11/21/07
This was so good! Very realistic and especially the spaced lines when she's thinking "IF only" wow. That carried quite an impact and your MC was great. I loved the last few lines.
Your MC came to life for me. I think you did a great job telling this story. Keep Writing!