The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
Your story flows nicely and the message is on topic. We do our best and God uses what we offer to further his purpose. Well said.
11/12/07
You did a super job with this, especially in the first half.

Instead of the parenthetical phrases toward the end, consider writing transisitional sentences. Your writing skills are definitely up to the task, and it'll keep the flow going better.

Very nice story--I was expecteing you to go in another direction, and was pleasantly surprised.
11/12/07
Good job! Particularly interesting angle on the topic. Your descriptions were very well written. I agree with Jan, the parentheticals near the end aren't necessary--it would have been very easy to eliminate them and the reader still understand everything well. You're a good writer. Keep it up! You should be pleased with this entry whether or not you place! You did very well! :)
This flowed nicely - with good character development through the budding friendship - and right on topic as well. Keep writing!
11/13/07
Great story--very realistic and held my attention the whole way. And I LOVE it when the outcome is a positive one!
11/13/07
Great job! You kept the flow going even through the time lapse. Very good!! Hugs!
Realistic description of "going under" and the fogginess of coming out of anesthesia. I was only disappointed that the story ended! :) Would love to know more of further conversations between these two before they were discharged. Nice job.
This has a great sense of place. I was right there in the room with the ladies. Very nicely done.
Very well written. You are a very talented writer. I enjoyed the vivid descriptions and images. Keep up the great work.
02/18/08
Wow! Love how God used the woman even while she was put to sleep!
Laury