The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/01/07
Good lesson--I wish more people would write up their life lessons in story form--they're so much more readable that way.

You have some easily correctable punctuation errors, especially in punctuating dialogue. A google search might take you to a website that reviews those rules.

Your dialogue is true to the children's ages, and moves the story along very well.
11/03/07
Oh, this was really, really good.

The first paragraph seemed a little weak. Try staring out with the kids begging you to tell the story, and then go into the background information.

Great story, and I'm sure those kids will remember that story long after they've left your class.
11/05/07
Good interesting story- pity there wasn't a Good Samaritan around in your story. Thanks
11/05/07
Very good story.