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I never cared much for people. I didn’t know how to care about anyone who was outside of my very small circle of family and friends. Even those people who I did care about probably often times felt unsure of my love, as I never let too many emotions escape my lips at any given time. The only person I can honestly say it came naturally for me to love in an affectionate sort of way is my daughter. I’ll never forget the time some co-workers of mine were discussing relationships and Linda looked at me, smiling, and said, “I can’t imagine Paula being crazy about anyone.” How this simple little phrase did cut! Isn’t it funny how the slip of someone’s tongue can express truth with painful effects?
Sure, I had been hurt in the past which was no doubt the beginning of my troubles. Somewhere in my foggy past I began building a wall one brick at a time until the thing towered over me and anyone who came into my path. I even gave a half-hearted attempt now and then to tare down a brick or two, with little success.
Little did I know at the time the only One who could break through my wall was the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. As my husband and I had been searching for a local Church to attend for some time (with no success) we were finally led to a modest building off the beaten path. In the beginning I was happy to only attend on Sunday mornings, listen to the sermon, smile and say hello, then get the heck out. Keeping people at a good distance felt most comfortable to me.
But then something changed. I actually started looking in (not just at) the faces around me. What was there? I wasn’t sure at first what drew me to these people who actually seemed to care whether or not I was in their midst. I saw love in their faces, but not just any kind of love. I saw the love of God staring me in the face. Beckoning me to join in, joyfully willing to help me in my walk with the Lord. I saw Jesus Christ!
As I slowly began exposing myself to these people, I could feel those bricks starting to crumble. What a freedom! People I actually want to be near? People who I actually want to love? What a delightful mystery this whole thing was to me, and still is. As I began worshipping with them, sharing, laughing, crying, my relationship with the Lord deepened. What a marvelous God we have who can reveal His love through His children. Finally, I am home
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