Sara felt that familiar twinge in the pit of her stomach when she heard the announcement. The words seemed to hang suspended in the air, and then they suddenly pierced her heart with fear and dread. Pastor’s words were optimistic, “The ladies are starting a Bible study on Monday night; please come out for some good food and fellowship.”
I won’t go….I’m busy….they will understand! She told herself. But deep down Sara knew the real reason his words sickened her. She had never felt she belonged anywhere. If she joined this fellowship, it would only be a matter of time before she would find herself crouched in her dark but all too familiar closet sobbing – sobbing just like the little girl in the memories she’d hidden down deep in her soul.
She could still see the little blonde girl all alone hiding behind the clothes in the back of her childhood bedroom closet. It was a safe place she had thought – a place where everyone loved her, a place where she was accepted. In her closet, like Cinderella in her little chair, she could be whatever she wanted to be and most of all she could be accepted. If she went out there…there would often be harsh words, but worst of all, there was anonymity.
She could never quite understand why; why she was bad; why she was different from her siblings. She didn’t know why big people didn’t like her very much.
Possibly that was why even now Sara still carried the fear of fitting in and being accepted in social circles. There must have been something about her that was different than other people; she was somehow flawed in her personality, she reasoned.
However, lately, things had been changing. Things were better than before. At times, she even felt ‘normal’. She sort of knew what that was like now….not feeling like you had to somehow make up for being you.
She was beginning to understand that she was somebody and that she really did matter at least to a Man that she had come to know and love. He had been a carpenter just like her father. And He was teaching her to build her life on the foundation of His love. It was a slow process, but she knew He would not stop His work until she was complete and whole. She knew this was the only true foundation for security in this world.
She was even beginning to make some friends at work and at church. Lately she had thought that the little closet girl was gone for good, but now, how could she risk ‘the group’. How could she risk feeling it again – the rejection…the anonymity?
Monday came. Sara wrestled with her fears, but she decided to go to the Bible study. She thought (hoped, prayed) it would be okay…even though she didn’t know for sure if the little closet girl was really gone or still hiding somewhere inside.
Sara decided that Monday to trust the Carpenter Who she knew could bring her through the closet times, if or when they came.
And Tuesday Sara decided to trust the Carpenter…
And Wednesday Sara decided to trust…
And Thursday Sara decided…
And Friday Sara…
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