The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/18/07
Written with a unique voice, and with a great title.

Work a bit on conventions of writing dialog. For example, the tag for this sentence...

"What you lack, we once did as well, but you need not any longer." Answered the one who glowed.

...should look like this:

"What you lack, we once did as well, but you need not any longer," answered the one who glowed.

You might also consider moving the position of your dialogue tags (to the beginning or middle of the sentence), or eliminating them altogether. This will give you a great variety of sentence structures.

I'm eager to see who wrote this; you have a creative and fresh voice.


10/20/07
This is amazingly creative! I was distracted a bit by the spelling and grammar errors, but I enjoyed it just the same! :)
10/21/07
This is really interesting and it kept my attention throughout. I love your way with words. Very well done.