The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 510 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
09/22/07
Nice job writing this through Angela's eyes. Keep up the great work!
Laury
09/24/07
Very vivid descriptions. I had a bit of a tough time figuring out exactly what was going on - it may just be me, though. It took me a couple read-throughs. Last line is great!
Loved the last line and whole concept. You have god descriptions, strong verbs and nouns. I think your story should'ground" the reader sooner, possibly in the first or second paragraph. Give us a clear idea of where the story takes place. I still wasn't sute at the end if this was a juvenile hall, a jail or a school. Some lines weren't worded clearly such as the line about Angela ignoring the bulging muscles or was the other character ignoring her muscles? All in all, very good writing ... just a few fix-up's needed!( you said to give critique!) Don't worry, you'll be out of beginnners soon!
09/26/07
I was also a little confused as to where this takes place, but loved your writing skills. You are in the right place, and as you keep writing, you'll see a huge difference when you are open to critiques.
Loved where it went at the end... light in the midst of all the darkness...