The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/14/07
Yikes! That really would be a surprise!

This was a very interesting read. Just a suggestion--adding some dialog to make you and your other characters feel more like real people that your readers can relate to.

Good lesson at the end.
Woah! Don't think I've ever experienced such terror from reading before. I felt as if I were walking in that swirling water in the dark.
Congtaulations on what appears to be your first entry; I wondered if you could finish with a link to the retreat from which you had just returned.