The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/14/07
Strong, crisp story. Excellent descriptions and action. Very well done, keep up the great writing!
09/16/07
Lots of action here--it's easy to visualize this, almost like a scene from a movie.

You might want to take a second look at the capitalization and punctuation of dialogue. And the ending puzzled me--I'm not clear how the diamond/map is going to change his fortunes. If you you had a few more words!

This could easily be expanded, and I'm sure you'd find an audience eager to read more of the adventure.
Generally I don't care for these kinds of stories, but you held my attention through the entire writing and left me wanting more! Really good writing always leaves much to the reader's imagination.