The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/07/07
Bill's composition was a compelling story on its own. WEll done!@
09/08/07
Sobering topic. Well written. More description of "Bill" would help the reader better empathize with the character.
09/11/07
Great!

Did you have any more words? I'd have loved a statement about Al's reaction to the story, and a bit more character development.

Consider a paragraph break right before "Suddenly, he straightened with a smile..." That'll give the sudden change in mood the oomph it deserves.

09/11/07
Very deep in your intent to get your point across. Good writing!
09/12/07
I'd hate to be in a situation like this one. Your story really has an impact. It's so easy for us to forget that some places in the world are dangerous to people trying to share the Good News, but they go anyway. Thanks for bringing this topic to my attention!
09/12/07
Great piece! It was very exciting. I like missionary stories. Helps us remember to pray for them everyday.
09/12/07
Wow! This is a very bold story.

Shorter sentences might be helpful to increase emotional intensity.

Great story - keep writing!
09/12/07
I love the resolution at the end of this. Very nicely done.
09/12/07
Good story. It's sad that this does happen (both events) in schools and on mission fields. You've done a good job of telling your story.