The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/06/07
Wow. What a story! I was confused by the 'melting into the carpet' phrase, but once I saw what you meant I was relieved. You sure kept me reading. Good job!
You kept my attention throughout the entire story. It is amazing that just when we sense everything is going the wrong way God shows us the way out of danger. Great job.
Good suspense. Nice capture of a family's "real" interactions (Worry for Dad's health, embarrassment with car breakdown, son thinking mom doesn't have any guts). Watch telling too much like: "We’d reserved three rooms at the hotel, mine being in the middle. (This is important strategically)." The fact that you were in the middle already implies the strategy well. Nice "real" heroine story.