The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Great build up to an unexpected ending. The mouth metaphor could be reworked...can't see a mouth compared to "dust." Good job capturing the angst of a teenager...most things are super-dramatic at that age.
I liked this... good descriptions of his fear, leading up to an unexpected ending which gave the story that much more charm in retrospect. Well done!
I couldn't wait to see what poor jihn was trying to accomplish! Very suspenseful.Great light ending.
09/13/07
Great last 3 lines. Congrats on your placing!
09/14/07
Congratulations on your 3rd place entry!
Laury
10/20/07
Excellent writing! Congratualtions on your win with this entry.